Ohhh just shut up.

            NO. No no no no! This can not be happening. Let me tell you, I have very little at this school so far. And while I am lucky to have a nice dorm, good roommates, and good classes, I am allowing myself to be drawn to a competitive friendship. I've never been one to claim superiority or act as if I am the best, which very clearly I am not. So why is my friend trying to one up me?
           I love many things. Harry Potter. Star Wars. Disney. So does she. I figured this was enough to start a friendship. We could share and discuss as we were fans of the same breed. But clearly she has some problem with me. Does she feel like I am stealing something from her? Obviously at home we were both queens of such dominions, the so called experts. But now are we trying to compete for this title at school. I've never cared for such acknowledgements, let her have it. But don't assume I am not going to speak out about these things, hold my tongue and strictly listen to only her. I have a say, don't I? I have a right to go on the fansites and tell my friends what is going on without being brought into a sort of unclear competition of who knows best. Right?
            I admit sometimes I expect to much from people. I want everything I tell to be new, fascinating, and excite them just as it did for me. But this one just won't let me have it. She already knows. Everything. I know it's petty, I am slightly petty. Perhaps I am not supposed to have the meaningful friendships I see in fiction. I guess the real truth is that they do not exist. Oh well. Time to find a different friend.

"Captain, I find this completely illogical."

          I can't think. I don't have the proper capacity to do so. Instead I base my speech on emotion, something that my dear fictional friend Mr. Spock would find completely illogical. Now I would say I fear my thinking as much as I fear acting, and I've never figured out why. Being introduced to theorists such as Jerome Bruner in my English 105 class has forced me to begin thinking. I can no longer escape the severe musings in what is called my mind. This being said I find Bruner's theories to not only have unhinged my thought process but to alter how I think.
          Bruner defines language as a social construction explaining how it is not part of the natural world. Language already forces a perspective on communicators and the human role in the world. Bruner demonstrates humanity's close relationship to language through is explanation of how the first thing young children learn when learning speech is first and second speech therefore distinguishing themselves as individuals. In this way, language becomes the instrument in how we define ourselves.
          If language distinguishes who we are in relation to the world (becoming aware that we are "I" or "me") then certainly language can shape how we perceive both the world and ourselves. There is nothing inherent about language, allowing it to be molded or sculpted into different perceptions. Each word holds concepts created by language, a social construct, then all we know can be considered a social construct or concept. Though Bruner does not necessarily definitively state this, his ideas have allowed me to understand that when my search for a logical voice or thought process is not warranted.
          I am searching for an inherent part of myself that doesn't exist. Bruner has made me realize that my thought process is a construction and I must adjust it to fit what I am looking for instead of waiting for it to appear. I feel something weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I am not trapped in a world without my brain (does this remind you of the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz? I totally feel that vibe...) but have the freedom to choose how to shape it. I don't know if that is how or what Bruner intended or if this makes any sense but he has altered how much power I think I have. I feel like I am talking about secret Jedi abilities (which I so totally have). :P

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Did I just crack a Star Trek and Star Wars joke in one blog? Why, yes I did. Yay nerdiness!

Men. Like they exist...

             So, I am going to be slightly sexist right now. (Sorry male readers!) I would say I don't understand men but that'd be a lie. Because I do. They are lazy sacs of water that have no sense of direction. Harsh? I'm sorry but seriously the next time I am forced to do a project/presentation with a man (or rather boy...) I might scream. I know I am not prefect. Sometimes I get doubts about the direction I am headed toward. But as far as academics go, I always try to figure out my shit. So why is it, blog, that every time I meet up with a male to discuss our project/presentation they act as if we will magically figure out 2 minutes before we present? Do they think a fairy will come down and give them their prompt? Holy mother of god. I am only one person. I don't care about your stupid seminar test, or the fact that you like science more than english just help me with the damn project. Alright, he is a nice guy but I am nervous. He just up and left me and we have nothing for this presentation.
               Let me be clear, I rarely deal with straight men (as partners for projects, friends, etc.). My interests, especially theater, align with many men but many are gay (or come out sometime during the friendship). I love my friends regardless of their sexual orientation but I just rarely talk to straight men alone. And in a way I feel like my inexperience let's them take advantage of me, making me do all the work for these projects. Anyway they seem aloof when I talk to them. It never is a fair trade in theater, lots of straight girls, many gay guys, and one straight guy, but I guess I don't get distracted. It just sucks coming back to the real world realizing you don't know how to talk to a straight male you are not related to.

So to sum up, I have no straight male friends.
Exciting I know. For those interested in Zombie Prom I will have times and dates soon. Expect Nov. 13-15.