Monday, February 14, 2011
happy? valentine's day...
I don't think I can do it. I love to sing. It is my favorite thing in the world. So why do I always feel like it is being taken away from me? I got a part that requires absolutely minimal singing. I can't achieve that stylized mature sound that classical training requires. I don't understand why I must continuously have "potential" and then never actually achieve anything. At the end of my senior year in high school my choir teacher called me a "diamond in the rough". And although I love the idea of being compared to someone like Aladdin, I can't help but wonder when will I just be the "diamond"? I work very hard so it can't be my lack of effort. I am constantly pushing forward but then someone has to say one tiny remark about how I am trying to make my aria sound like a pop song and I crumble. This is so stupid. And later tonight, I am required to play a comic relief character without relying on the fact that at least people can say I sang well if my acting sucks. I am scared for my life. And the sad thing is today is Valentine's Day and I have no one to share my fears with (friend or otherwise). People never understand. I guess I don't even understand...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
At least I get to play with fake gun, right? :\
Ohh Blog, I really wish I could tell you nothing has happened this past few weeks. I wish I could stick to my original plan and tell you about my vacation adventures. Alas, I've single handedly ruined all peace and stability I brought back from break. Let's start from the beginning, shall we?
This semester I was determined to take voice lessons that mainly consist of classical training. I thought it'd be enough. I thought I would not want to do another show, that my musical theater days were at a standstill. And then auditions for Cabaret Troupe's show came around. This time it was for Stephen Sondheim's Assassins. I had never heard of the show but I can tell you this. Sondheim is a bastard. Don't get me wrong, he is talented. But nevertheless he loves to make his performers slave over his detailed and un-melodic tunes. I had no intention of auditioning but at the same time voice lessons had been less the satisfying. I agree that classical training is important but I abhor that style. All the female mezzos and sopranos sound the same with their rich heavy tones. I just can't stand it.
The idea that I could audition for a musical theater show was just pounding in my head. My indecisive nature began to take hold and I was driving people crazy. One minute I'd say I was going to audition, the next I began crying hysterically because I didn't know if I should audition (talk about hormones...). Finally that night I chose a song and auditioned.
At this point I found out the show is about various American assassins attempting to kill their respective president. The basic assassins are in it, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc. And there are only two female singing roles, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme and Sara Moore. Squeaky is a serious hippie and lover/slave of murderer Charles Manson, but sings a great if not slightly creepy love song called "Unworthy of your Love" (I urge you to look it up, it's a very pretty song). Sara is a house mom who is slightly erratic and insane who doesn't sing too much in the show. Both plan to assassin President Gerald Ford and the comic relief.
I knew I fit Squeaky better so I aimed to sound beautiful and confident. My first audition was stellar. It was the most fun I've had singing solo in a while. I felt like my sound was consuming the air. Then I got a callback. Mind you, there are only two female parts in the show so I was very nervous. They had me sing the Squeaky's love ballad which went well. Then, the acting part came.
I don't think I've shaken that much in my entire life. I kept rereading the scene. They wanted me to read for Squeaky, no surprise there. After ten minutes of waiting, I felt comfortable enough. As I finished my scene thinking I did decently, they drop a bombshell. "Oh Madison, we also want you to read for Sara Moore after these two go." I had literally two minutes to look the dialogue over. I knew this was not good. I didn't want to play Moore, I wanted to play Squeaky. I quickly did the dialogue but knew it was significantly worse than the first one. After that they let me go. I waited till 1 in the morning to receive the cast list. The result?
So, I am playing Sarah Moore even though I am a better singer than actress and clearly could not act the part. Does the universe enjoy playing cruel tricks on me? I am crawling with anxiety. I can't act a part like this! I don't know the first thing about being comic relief. It is a great part but not for me!
I guess this whole dilemma is proof that you can never predict who you'll be casted as. It is always a surprise. For the first time in my life I have not been type-casted as the sweet, docile, lighter girl and I don't like it. Does that mean I won't do it? No, I'll try and grow as an actress but I am not happy about it. I sound like a brat, don't I? All I know is I don't want to make a fool of myself.
For those of you interested in what will be my poor attempt at playing an insane assassin, the performance is at the Saratoga Music Hall on April 8, 9, and 10.
This semester I was determined to take voice lessons that mainly consist of classical training. I thought it'd be enough. I thought I would not want to do another show, that my musical theater days were at a standstill. And then auditions for Cabaret Troupe's show came around. This time it was for Stephen Sondheim's Assassins. I had never heard of the show but I can tell you this. Sondheim is a bastard. Don't get me wrong, he is talented. But nevertheless he loves to make his performers slave over his detailed and un-melodic tunes. I had no intention of auditioning but at the same time voice lessons had been less the satisfying. I agree that classical training is important but I abhor that style. All the female mezzos and sopranos sound the same with their rich heavy tones. I just can't stand it.
The idea that I could audition for a musical theater show was just pounding in my head. My indecisive nature began to take hold and I was driving people crazy. One minute I'd say I was going to audition, the next I began crying hysterically because I didn't know if I should audition (talk about hormones...). Finally that night I chose a song and auditioned.
At this point I found out the show is about various American assassins attempting to kill their respective president. The basic assassins are in it, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc. And there are only two female singing roles, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme and Sara Moore. Squeaky is a serious hippie and lover/slave of murderer Charles Manson, but sings a great if not slightly creepy love song called "Unworthy of your Love" (I urge you to look it up, it's a very pretty song). Sara is a house mom who is slightly erratic and insane who doesn't sing too much in the show. Both plan to assassin President Gerald Ford and the comic relief.
I knew I fit Squeaky better so I aimed to sound beautiful and confident. My first audition was stellar. It was the most fun I've had singing solo in a while. I felt like my sound was consuming the air. Then I got a callback. Mind you, there are only two female parts in the show so I was very nervous. They had me sing the Squeaky's love ballad which went well. Then, the acting part came.
I don't think I've shaken that much in my entire life. I kept rereading the scene. They wanted me to read for Squeaky, no surprise there. After ten minutes of waiting, I felt comfortable enough. As I finished my scene thinking I did decently, they drop a bombshell. "Oh Madison, we also want you to read for Sara Moore after these two go." I had literally two minutes to look the dialogue over. I knew this was not good. I didn't want to play Moore, I wanted to play Squeaky. I quickly did the dialogue but knew it was significantly worse than the first one. After that they let me go. I waited till 1 in the morning to receive the cast list. The result?
So, I am playing Sarah Moore even though I am a better singer than actress and clearly could not act the part. Does the universe enjoy playing cruel tricks on me? I am crawling with anxiety. I can't act a part like this! I don't know the first thing about being comic relief. It is a great part but not for me!
I guess this whole dilemma is proof that you can never predict who you'll be casted as. It is always a surprise. For the first time in my life I have not been type-casted as the sweet, docile, lighter girl and I don't like it. Does that mean I won't do it? No, I'll try and grow as an actress but I am not happy about it. I sound like a brat, don't I? All I know is I don't want to make a fool of myself.
For those of you interested in what will be my poor attempt at playing an insane assassin, the performance is at the Saratoga Music Hall on April 8, 9, and 10.
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