I should have told you guys. Or at least explained. Zombie Prom is over. It has been for a long time now. I didn't really feel anything after the show. I mean yes I was sad to leave my character and what not. But I still had a choir performance left so I wasn't thinking about the lack of performance. But now that is over and boy, do I have a story for you.
In my whole entire music life I have never been told to be quieter. In fact, my teachers always wanted me to go further, louder, become slightly reckless with my singing (not damage my throat but sing carefree). So when I went to the music hall before the concert on Saturday night being too loud was the furthest thought from my mind. Actually, being the lazy slob I am, I decided I would lip sync through the concert as the choir is big and loud. Why should my voice be heard? Plus, not to be snobby but it is a community choir not Chamber Singers, the audition group from my high school. I mean in high school my choir director was kind of known for being harsh but effective (think a tiny bi-polar Napoleon that runs his choir regime like Nazi Germany, without the race stuff of course). I knew my lip syncing was not really going to happen, I felt too guilty. I was trained to be anything but a lip syncing bimbo in a choir. I knew I had to sing.
Warm ups began. Now determined to sing I proceeded to execute them perfectly. I guess I didn't realize how loud I actually am or maybe how confident I have been lately. Well, this woman and another female student in front of me were looking at each other as if they were 13-year-old brats giggling over the biggest secret in the world. Ignoring them I continued to focus on my voice, and my warmup. After a few more glances between the two, the student turned around tugged my arm (and it hurt!) and said very slowly so any 3 year old could understand, "You're sticking out, you need to blend." My whole body stopped. I didn't know how I was still breathing. I just...everything was on pause. Finally she turned once more and gave me a thumbs mouthing "Better". But, I wasn't even singing! And it was just warm-ups! I wasn't sticking out ever when we sang the piece! I was always told to sing warm-ups with more intensity! I just...this was such a fail.
I know I am not a bad singer, I know it. But I think I've realized I'm not meant to sing in a choir anymore. I must've outgrown it at some point. I think from now on I will just stick to solo singing. Choirs aren't fun for me anymore. I just need to sing by myself, for myself, for a while.
