Hello!

If there is one thing I have learned in my 18 years of life, it's this:
Auditions are torture. In the back of your mind, the constant fear of failure remains. But at the same time, an image of success is momentarily tangible. Adrenaline pumps through veins, and most attempts to stay calm are futile. 
On a weekly basis, I ask myself "Why do I put myself through this?" 
It's because I know the risk is worth it. 
I know that auditioning gets me that much closer to performing. And performing makes me feel incredible. I can't describe it without getting cheesy, but it is as if I am I feel a surge of happiness and joy. 
I don't do roller coasters. I don't do heights. I don't do race cars. I perform. I audition. 
So, when the head director of a singing group shakes his head "no" while I sing basic scales, I think I have a right to be livid. 
Or when my high school director says I sang the part of Mary Lennox for the musical The Secret Garden perfectly at the callbacks but am "too short" for the role, I'm allowed to be angry. I can't control my height but I can control my talent. My non-theater friends think it is so easy to audition/sing/perform but they don't know how much self-confidence I have to develop. Performing is my passion but I don't know if I could ever pursue it. Maybe speaking to you, my non-existent audience will help me decide.